This Modern Love Read online

  The idea of the whole book really stemmed from this stage of relationships. Initially it was going to be a book for the broken-hearted, and I’m so happy that it’s turned into something more all-encompassing, and hopefully more upbeat. And although the book ends on a rather sombre note, it’s important to see the positives in the letters. For whatever reason it may be that things didn’t work out, it is the lessons learnt that will live on and will help guide us all to the next person, and maybe the right person. Somebody who will help mend and reinforce, rather than break and weaken.

  dear jake,

  you ruined so many songs for me.

  Katherine

  New Mexico, USA

  Dear Cal,

  I have a bookmarks folder of articles I would have sent to you if we were still talking.

  Moll

  UK

  Dear Pedro,

  Remember the day of this photo? My friend took it without us knowing. That day I cooked a chocolate cake for us. It was the very beginning of our story. It has been a while since that day, and since we were a couple.

  We’re not talking to each other so often anymore, but I wanted to say how much this photo means to me. It was the day that I first said ‘I Love You’ to you. It was the first time I said these words for someone in the strongest way of its meaning. For my first boyfriend.

  Although we’ve had some bad times in our relationship during and after its end, the good memories will stay on my mind regardless of the bad ones.

  Because they say the first time we’ll never forget. And it’s true.

  I forgive you.

  Vinicius

  Brazil

  Dear A,

  I am 99% sure you have my childhood Pokemon card collection. When we parted ways you placed my possessions in a bag and left the bag outside my house. The Pokemon cards weren’t included.

  Sorry I drunkenly messaged you asking if you had stolen my Pokemon cards. Sorry that was the first thing I said to you after saying nothing for three years. Thanks for a great time, I mean it.

  I hope you are OK.

  As always,

  Soph

  UK

  Dear Boy

  You once told me that in the space of two years every cell in your body regenerates.

  There will come a day when I can reclaim my own skin, when my flesh will have never been touched by you.

  Never yours,

  Girl

  New Zealand

  Dear Jamie,

  I’m not sure at what point during our short but sweet relationship you decided to cheat on me, and I’m not entirely sure that you know just quite how much it has affected me.

  Without your secrets and lies I wouldn’t have to second guess every little detail of every relationship that followed. Without you, my current boyfriend would not have to spend hours of his time reminding me that I can trust him or that I’m good enough for him or that he’s not like you. Without you I would not be filled with doubt and worry and anxiety every second of my life.

  But I guess all of this is okay because you got hurt exactly the same way 12 months later.

  What goes around comes around.

  From

  Charlotte

  UK

  Dear Zack,

  You stole my tongue and took my tastebuds with you but I still taste the color red on my lips.

  I tasted the color blue when it was over and black when we didn’t try again.

  Pink when your words faded from my memory and green when I saw your words on another girl’s lips with red in her cheeks.

  I never noticed your gray eyes.

  Most sincerely,

  Annie

  USA

  Dear TX,

  I do consider you to be an ex.

  I do think of you as the first woman.

  And I did love you (in a way).

  You were never a fling, but the pièce de résistance to my entire sexual and emotional renaissance.

  I’m sorry I led you to believe otherwise.

  SH

  USA

  Dear Joseph,

  This is a poem I wrote for you, my love.

  Stars

  How I long to

  feel

  your presence next to mine,

  to dream of your

  fingertips caressing

  my worries and

  turning them into

  glittering stars

  in the night

  enhanced only by the

  pale glow

  that your eyes,

  like the moon,

  radiate in the

  cool, dark night.

  Annette

  USA

  Dear Ben,

  Would you kindly keep your topless snapchat selfies to yourself. No they do not make me want you. And no I do not understand ‘dem bedtime feels’.

  Also a word of advice if you ever hope to attract a girl; try less pout and more personality.

  Peace (no love),

  Shanahbelle

  Australia

  Dear Agustin,

  It’s been five continuous years of me holding his hand, and still feeling like I’m reaching for yours.

  Lorena

  Argentina

  Dear Boy,

  I loved you like a brainless zombie, ever searching for your warmth, and yet now I cannot see what it was that drew me to you.

  Only remnants of old lost love are still lingering in my heart, and yet I am curious as a child to know what you’re doing tonight.

  I guess I am like a battle-hardened spider sitting on an old love-spun web, always ready for an attack, but still getting disoriented every time you fly by.

  Come to me, little B, let me tell you a story... my love may sting, but don’t you worry.

  Edita

  Lithuania

  Dear Oliver,

  You were sent away on Monday. I watched your girlfriend burst into tears when she heard; it was in English class. I sit right behind her.

  She reeks of perfume, and if her peroxide drenched hair doesn’t make my eyes bleed, the neon tank tops do. On the big day, however, her eyes were bleeding mascara while mine tried to hold back the tears of joy.

  You called me the night before you left, reminding me that you still loved me. Am I the only person you told? I still don’t understand why it was a surprise Monday morning when the teacher broke the news.

  Why do you torture me with your love? Unlike your girlfriend, I can’t show emotion. I can’t let everyone know that you “get the girls” and that I am a “slut”. I was always the second thought.

  I’m so happy you’re gone, because it’s my time to understand myself and stop living in this terrible, hushed limbo you have me stuck in.

  You were my first love, and I was your hidden lust. Oliver I fucking hate you. I hate everything about you. I hate your hazel eyes, chapped lips, conditioned hair, strong neck, the shape of your nose, and the sound of your laugh.

  I am moving on. I am excited for the future. I can do this. I will find peace. Starting tomorrow, I’m sitting in the front of class; I’ll be sure to wear all black.

  Love,

  Ashley

  USA

  puzzling

  unpredictable

  enigmatic

  imponderable

  tantalising

  improbable

  ambivalent

  misleading

  unexpected

  strange

  Dear You,

  Six years

  Yes, I still count them

  I couldn’t make us last, I’m sorry

  Could’ve been an epic love story

  Letting go was all for me

  Selfish and naive, I broke your heart

  Years have passed

  I wish I loved you more

  Every day I’m haunted by the absence of you

  The what-ifs and could’ve-beens

  Songs of loss, on repeat

  23rd of January was our mark

>   My heart breaks, as I embark

  A new love that will complete me

  Self love, this is what’s meant to be

  Mareeda

  United States

  Dear Josh,

  Time.

  I cried through the weeks and thought the heartache caused was beyond repair.

  Time was the healer. Time is always the healer.

  Unexpectedly, I found myself smiling and looking up to the sky realizing I’m okay.

  Hanna

  Iceland

  Dear Jacob,

  Sadness always licked at the feet of our love but we still never chose to wear shoes.

  I found myself a pair of boots now, I hope you’ve found some too.

  Hannah

  UK

  Dear Victor,

  Was it easy for you?

  Because it killed me.

  Anonymous

  USA

  Dear —— ,

  You told me it was no strings attached but somehow I became tangled.

  Still in love with you

  Anonymous

  Dear Darren

  Sorry I was a bit of a bitch, can we be friends?

  Lauren

  UK

  Dear Joe,

  I lied, you never made me orgasm.

  Megan

  England

  Dear Rodri,

  I truly hope you find someone who makes your heart sing in the same way my own did every time you kissed my flaws.

  Gràcies per estimar-me.

  Ariadna

  Menorca, Spain

  Dear T,

  Today I saw you in the park,

  you were holding her hand and kissing her cheek.

  Meanwhile I was hiding behind the trees,

  whispering to the wind:

  ‘Be happy and follow your dreams’.

  Rowan E.

  Spain

  Dear Daniel,

  Years past and your song still echoes around me.

  Pain drums into the night, your words of love now redundant in waves and vibrations, repetitive melodies, tired harmonies of what was and could’ve been and that breakbeat rhythm you left my heart in.

  But why can’t I stop listening?

  Kyra

  UK

  Dear James,

  I don’t agree with the way you went about it, adultery should not be the way out but I understand that you may have felt it was time to go. We spent 7 happy years together with our eyes covered in a veil of daily routine.

  Since we are now apart, I can see that it wasn’t meant to be. We were so young when we became partners and in that time we grew into ourselves. I still stand by what I said when we broke up ‘I am me because of you’ but now we are apart I am still me and I stand here on my own two feet, proud of who I am and how I handled this situation.

  I have since learnt that I needed more from a companion. Someone who would ask how my day went, someone who wanted to spend time with me. We thought it was important to be our own people but I think we lost sight on the importance of love, the importance of spending time in each other’s company and being in a relationship together, not alone.

  I’m still working on forgiveness for what you did to me but I have an unearthly understanding of why you may have ended things. The universe spoke and opened our eyes to the world. I am now awake and I’m ready with open arms for someone who will love me, explicitly, with all their heart.

  Lauren

  England

  Dear Jason

  I forgive you...

  I forgive you for always putting yourself ahead of my needs and saying those hateful words in the end. I understand now we both needed to grow up and mature. I survived.

  While I don’t know where you are or what you are doing I like it that way. You were mean, abusive and you destroyed every bit of self-esteem I had. To this day I work on my issues with my spouse.

  You messed me up so bad. I felt like I didn’t deserve to live on this earth and I was stupid and naïve. I wanted to end it but I had people in my life who took me out of the toxic relationship we shared. The fact you called my mother and fed her so much lies. Getting her to call me and yell at me for being mean to you. You left me with nothing in a city where I knew few people. You drained our bank accounts and left me to figure things out on my own.

  I pawned my engagement ring and went home to my parents. I will never forget my Mother’s face when she came to get me in the airport. She cried so much when she saw me. The daughter she raised and loved wasn’t there. My parents had to listen to me scream in my sleep. Had to help me through the panic attacks when friends and family would come around. I had to push myself to get better.

  But I forgive you. I forgive you because I survived and if I can get out of a relationship that was that toxic I have hope that other women can too. I have hope as I found the love of my life. Even though it was rough in the beginning he and I sailed through the storm and are conquering my demons. Most of which were caused by you.

  I survived and I am becoming a stronger person. I have someone who wants to help take care of me, who wants to spend time with me, who loves me for me. I fell in love with the most amazing man. I Survived.

  Cassandra

  Canada

  dear ex,

  sometimes love isn’t skyscraper building,

  all defeating,

  all-encompassing.

  sometimes that’s okay.

  im sorry i couldn’t offer you what you need

  what you deserve.

  i miss your hugs,

  your face when i make you laugh,

  your cold toes under the covers,

  the heights i had to reach to kiss you,

  the long nights over the screens of our phones,

  the stuffy study sessions,

  your you

  your support, your friendship, your love

  meant everything to me and

  i will cherish it

  but im sorry it isn’t returned

  if only i could love you the way you loved me

  maybe then we could have loved more

  love,

  Rachel

  England

  P.S. say hi to your mum for me, i miss her cooking

  Dear Max,

  * * *

  She said I would meet you one day.

  Your name would start with an M.

  You would change my life.

  There we were.

  Here I am.

  There you are,

  still holding my heart.

  Madison

  USA

  Dear Alberto,

  You’ve got fat. It’s been four years since I put on 4kg and you told me I was fat. Now you are. And even though I truly hope you are happy, I am still going to smile every time a picture of you appears on Facebook. Because Karma exists.

  Keep enjoying food as much as I do.

  Adela

  Galicia, Spain

  infatuation

  frightening

  deceitful

  irksome

  arduous

  obdurate

  half-stalking

  someday

  strength

  Dear —— ,

  I never knew how good life could be until you came into my life. I never knew how happy someone else could make me feel.

  You made me want to get up every morning. I had something to look forward to when I got off work. I couldn’t wait to get to your place to open the door and give you a hug and a kiss.

  So when you broke up with me I didn’t know what to do. I went from having you in my life every day to nothing. I went to bed alone and I woke up alone. It felt like you were giving up on me, giving up on us and everything we had been through. It hurts when the person you love says you aren’t their best chance. It still hurts.

  I thought I was your best chance and I’m convinced I can be that guy for you. But you made your mind up, and it hurt you so bad even thinking of hurting me that you couldn’
t eat, you couldn’t sleep. I keep playing back moments in my head, thinking what did I do wrong?

  But maybe I didn’t do anything wrong; I just didn’t do enough right. And I realize that now. I should have been more open with you; completely transparent. How can you be with someone who doesn’t want to open up? That’s not a healthy relationship, and I understand that now. I was so scared to lose you that I became a shell of myself.

  All I wanted to do was make you happy. Seeing you smile or making you laugh brought me the greatest joy. I tried to go the extra mile to make you happy. I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that. I didn’t feel worthless with you, I felt like I could take on the world when you were by my side.

  I should have expressed this sooner, opened up more, and let my guard down. I should have done more for you, for me, for us. I spent the last eight years of my life running away from my feelings. I’m tired of running. When you broke up with me all I wanted to do was talk to you. I wanted to hold you; I wanted to cry to you.

  I miss you. I miss holding your hand; I miss the face you make when I try my horrible English accent. Most days when we were together I would wake up and look at you, and think that this was the person I would wake up next to for the rest of my life.

  I still find pieces of you in my life. Whenever an Ed Sheeran song comes on I think about that night we slow danced to Thinking Out Loud in the hotel room after Coachella. Whenever Chris wears the tie you got him I think about Oxnard and how great a day it was. Whenever I get in an Uber I think about how you would always slide to the middle seat just to hold my hand.